cthulhu sushi (nom nom nom..)

Guess what. Yeah it's me again. The one and only El Lagarto. I wrote a poem. It's just for you. This is how it goes:

goodbye fish n chips

hello bratwurst

The End.

I agree. I will stop writing poems from now on. They suck. Guess who else sucks? Yeah... Nevermind. 

Ok, let's get serious. Our beloved friend and guitarplayer Mitch left us... He passed away... He's gone... He played the final note and went to meet his ancestors... Some say, he is at a better place now... But I don't know... If I moved to an Island I would have made sure that there are coconuts, babes in bikinis, cool drinks and at least 300 sunny days a year! Man, at least beaches! But no... He had to go to the one with the steep coasts. Plus I heard it is raining ALL THE TIME over there. Why going to a place like that? But whatever. He wanted to go. We wish him all the best and hope he gets and becomes what he wanted. And guess what? The hole he left in the Band... is already filled. And we did not just fill it up... NO! We've put a mot&§$"*#kin mountain at the place. With snow on the top... SNOW! Because the new guitarplayer is so cool! That's why there is snow on the top. And Mitch stands there in the rain on his Island and wonders where all the snow has gone... It's with us now! His Name is Malte! That's a Viking Name. He's a Viking! History repeats Mitch... A Viking conquers english territory. Ok, I think he's a german dude, but I bet he has real Viking-blood in his veins because he looks like a Viking! And I checked wikipedia for his name and guess what? The name means "the advisor of the assembly"²... It also means rule. And that's what he does! He rules, Mitch! He's a ruler! 

So get ready everyone! We will be back faster than you thought! And we will be the best BLACK LIZARD you ever saw! We have a Viking now! And we rule!

² http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malte

what a night...!

Man... The three-day-hangover isn't a myth anymore! I finally proof it! What a night! What a gig! What an audience! What a backstage service! The evening was *put any superlative here*! I never thought it would come to this but... Words fail me... All I can say is: Thanks to all of you out there! To those in front and behind the stage! To those amazing people who helped us making that night one of the best we've ever had! Thanks to all the guys out there who bought our merch! We will thank you with more gigs and more recordings! Soon! A special thanks goes out to the guys in the first row during the gig! You made my day! And last but not least we send some very very special thanks out to CLUTCH for giving us this unbelievable opportunity!

Ah... and thanks to M. from BF. for preventing us to get drunk before the gig by drinking all the beer! It is most appreciated! I haven't seen you since, but I hope your hangover will last until next time!

Oh I almost forgot. The day before we had another gig at the KFZ in Marburg. Awesome City! We played with some really cool Stoner Bands like Sumosluts, Red Stone Chapel and Route Irish! Our performance was electrifying! Also thanks to all of you who were there! And especially to the vegan chilli sin carne which made the most funniest noises a meal ever performed in my stomache...

Ok. Now enough of this sickly sentimentality! Time to look forward! And guess what i see? Yeah right... right now I see spreaded legs and a cup of peanut butter... but I mean in the future! You know... Let my crystal ball give us the answer... Crystal Ball I wanna see, what the future holds for me... I see... I see... I SEE GIGS!

Next time we play is July the 2nd at ROCK AM BUGGEL in Schafheim... Some cool dudes wanted us to play there and promised us free drinks... And they didn't know what they were doing...

And then we have a slot in the lineup for the 2011 OPEN AIR AM STEINBRÜCKER TEICH in Darmstadt. Home match! Yeeehaw! It's happening on August the 13th at the Oberwaldhaus! Really cool location! Really cool people! Fullmoon night! What a blast!

More information soon!

Ok, now if you excuse me... I have some peanut butter work to do.

El Lagarto

Yeah! Yeah? HELL YEAH!!!!!

Hell yeah? Oh 'freaking Godzilla brings hell over earth' YEAH! You know sometimes there are good news... And sometimes there are fuckin' fantastic news. This is one of these "sometimes" moments!

Ladies and Gentlemen we are proud to announce that we BLACK LIZARD will play as special guest for CLUTCH in Wiesbaden on June 19th!

You read right! CLUTCH!!!!!! If you now ask yourself: "How in the name of anything in the world and beyond  have these four lazyasses managed to get from 'local gigs only' to support for a global known Band like this" you have to know one thing:

We are fucking reptiles! If our tail falls off we just grow a new one! And this time we grew the most biggest tail we ever had until now... It's enormous! 


It scares me a bit and it's not easy to manage my everyday living with my new magnitude but I got used to it! I never want that small one back again!

In fact you have to see it! So come to the Schlachthof in Wiesbaden next sunday and take a look at it! You may touch it if you are kind! And by the way you get some extremely good music on your ears while you try to get your brain managing a new sense of BIG!

See you there!

to go where no reptile has gone before...

Dudes! Chicas! Amphibians!

We make progress. Just heard today that we sound different than a year ago! In a good way! Yeah! Evolution baby! Isch freu misch.

We recently recorded some of our new, "better" (see above) stuff and will record some more in the near future so we plan to share our differentness with all of you in the second half of this year. Means that we bring a new LEP  (longplayer EP because it's too long for an EP but hasn't enough songs for a LP ( hey wait!!! L...E..P.. Lizard EP!!!!! Epic!)) this year and it will be.. well hey let's stick to: different! We also have some gigs coming up in the near future, so don't miss to see us live because we also get more different in that every single time! So if you saw us before... come again! Watch the Lizard evolve!

I know... lalala you said you'll post every week lalala up to date lalala lalala lalalala... Belive me I wanted to but you know... Lazyness is more addictive than crack. As we speak of it... Just saw that our Facebook-Site cracked the 100+ "fans" mark! Woohoo! Thank you all! Wow 100... In words "one hundred"... Ok that seems not much to most of you but hey... did i mention? I AM LAZY! So every number higher than the highest one I'm willing to count in mind is... WOW! It really doesn't matter if its 30 or 10³. Unless it's the amount of ladys waiting in front of my door! I promise if you visit me, I'll count the hell out of you all!

Going back to the couch

El Lagarto

hatched

Slowly I'm gettin' sober. Man that was a hard night. The release party for our EP was... Let me say it like this:  if you are blood type AB+ and usually spend all your days with sports and healthy stuff... you know drinking raw eggs and things like that... give me a call, cause I need a new liver! Or donate some bucks for a dialysis machine.* I guess that would be the most sustainable solution regarding the fact that the release party wasn't the last gig this month.

To say it in the words of the almighty Kong: "come one comall" (qoute: iDDi Kong, 2011, Facebook)** to our next gig at the GOLDENE KRONE DARMSTADT on FEBRUARY 25th! We play right between GUNSIGHT and MIND THE GAEP on an "ouch i got hairspray in my eyes" happening! It's gonna be loud, it's gonna be hard, it's gonna be rock n' roll! So party on Garth!

+++++ADVERTISING+++++ADVERTISING+++++

We now have MERCHANDISE!!! So come to our gig and get your personal copy of our EP "hatched", your new favorite T-shirt with a big fat BLACK LIZARD on front, your own hot BLACK LIZARD lighter, or your even hotter all new BLACK LIZARD thong!*** Or check out our website for our brand new BLACK LIZARD online shop if you are lazy!**** 

+++++ADVERTISING+++++ADVERTISING+++++

* YES A DIALYSIS MACHINE FOR LIVERS ACTUALLY EXISTS! THINK ABOUT THE POSSIBILITIES!

** IN YOUR FACE KARL-THEODOR!

*** FOR BOYS AND GIRLS! FOR OLD AND YOUNG! YOUR REAR WILL LOOK SPECTACULAR!
**** OR A TALKING DOG WHICH I AM CONVINCED EXIST OUT THERE! IN THAT CASE I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND THAT YOU COULDN'T GET YOUR MERCH AT OUR GIGS BECAUSE IF THE WRONG PEOPLE WOULD FIND OUT YOU ARE CAPABLE TO TALK YOU WOULD END UP PINNED ON AN OPERATING TABLE IN A LABORATORY SOMEWHERE IN SLOVENIA AND A WEIRD LAUGHING GUY WITH A DISC-SAW SLOWLY REVEALS YOUR BRAIN TO CUT IT INTO SLICES AND SELL IT TO JAPAN WHERE SOME BUSINESS MEN THINK IT'S BETTER THAN VIAGRA... WELL BELIEVE ME I EXACTLY KNOW HOW THAT FEELS!

giggedy giggedy!

Have to hurry... am chained to some kind of butt shaped... whatever... long story no time... hardly reach my smartphone... hope i get out of this... if you could see her eyes... insane is not the right word... something important... what was it again? Oh right! our next GIG! see you all on 4th of february at the oettinger villa... fat n' holy concert... we play with stonewall noise orchestra from sweden... at least I hope so... if I ever get out of here... she is... twisted... but fortunately away... apropos... we also moved... if not forward then at least to another practice room... owner of the old one was a... reminds me to what I am tied to right now... unusually big one... both... if I would know where the fuck i am... i would cry for help... but i have no clue... hope to see you at the oettinger villa... 4th of february... remember!

And once again...

I swear to Godzilla I was going to write a Blog every goddamn week but you know... Being El Lagarto has never been easy. All the chicks want you and if you once say no you wake up with a gag-ball in your mouth, chained to some pipes in a dark cellar. I guess I don't have to mention the horrible pains in your crotch. Crazy bitches. LOVE YA'LL!!! Well now after two weeks in the clinic I'm finally able to write again, so let's get it on.

A lot happened. First of all, I have to announce my Coming Out... Yes, some of you allready knew it, now it's official. I'm not ashamed of it anymore and even my parents understand. They somehow like it by the way... Wait a sec, I get a call....

Hey mom... yepp... yepp... all in the laundry... yepp... No mom you know I don't like beeing coupled... what?!? No Mom wait...  I didn't mean... Coming Out means WHAT?!? Mom, I have to go. Seriously. NOW, Bye...

Weeeeeeell... Choice of words... Craaaaaazy stuff... You remember the funny coincidence the other day when I said coming out but instead meant hatched? Dude that were crazy times... Mixing up words and stuff... God damned zilla now I have to print all the covers for the first EP again... Oh wait! Now I remember!

That was the News! Listen up folks! Me "EL LAGARTO" is proud to present you the incredible release of the first but most epic EP of the unbelievable, worldchanging next generation supergroup BLACK LIZARD!!!  I'm running out of superlatives right now, so let me just say it's not that bad as the style of advertising lets suggest! I will definitely get one! The EP is called "HATCHED" and will be available at... will be available in... will be available! So come and get some! If you are a friend of us, you already know us and will get your copy next week! If you don't know us but like us write us and you will get your copy next week. If you don't know us and don't like us you will get your copy next week, listen to it and then know us. And if you know us but don't like us... go to hell. But before you will get your copy next week. So everybody is happy!

Speaking of "liking us". Last practice we played some of our new stuff (wich is even more mind blowing than the tracks on our first EP "HATCHED" coming next week so don't miss!) when all of a sudden some strangers entered our practice room and said: "Hey we were in the 'restaurant' right next door eating when we heard your sound... May we listen a bit to your stuff?". That was... crazy! So we gave a little private concert, wich we...  damn we enjoyed it! Loved it! And they did too! So we gained fans while we practiced... From now on we will never ever close the window again! Even if it's -30°! So if it's wednesday and you're feeling hungry and would kill for some hot blondies on ice if you know what i mean... Maybe you're lucky and the 'restaurant' you're in is the ONE...

But if you're not into lottery and stuff just come to our gig at the OETTINGER VILLA in february. More infos about that soon right here. Maybe we have some more gigs this year but it's not sure so I don't talk about it. I just would mix things up again and in the end I'd find myself awkwardly sit there with my parents, dating a horse or something...

So long and with a cheering "zzzzZZzzzZzzzzzzZZzz"
el lagarto